You think you’re alone in this…

But my journal from 2015 promises you’re not.

This is a real live artifact, an email from my drafts, dated January 27, 2015.

An email I never sent to my friend, because….well, I can’t burden her with truth, right?

Images of friends came to mind like polaroid photos developing in my mind…

My Prayer Partner

Not making eye contact, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear -

Like… are you okay?

The Small Group Crush

With a touch of pity in his voice, pursing his lips -

You just gotta cast your cares on Him.

Pastor’s Wife

Who badly wanted to mentor you once upon a time, gently touches your elbow-

Why haven’t we seen you at church?

Do they really miss me …

Or the muffins I bring to small group?

Trying to purchase affection with sugar, butter, and flour.

Why do I keep loving people who don’t love me back? 

The cork screw of anxiety twists deeper into my abdomen. My throat feels raw and sore and tight. I pick up my Bible and bend the covers back, letting the pages fly past my thumb until a page sticks. I’m asking God for a sign. A message. A clear directive to help me feel better. I can tell by where I’ve landed it’ll be from the New Testament, so I’m optimistic. Close my eyes, open the pages, swirl my finger around… and then stop. Squint at the verse my finger landed on.

Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who by worrying can add one hour to their life?

The sobbing comes heavier now, as I tuck my chin in to help the breathing stay quiet. Wrapping my arms around my knees. I know this is worthless, and I’m trying to stop. I’m trying, I really am. But this anxiety just pecks at my heart. 

I’m done feeling this, so I reach for my laptop.

It rests on top of all  my quiet time staples - journal, Rachel Held Evans book, index cards of verses. I open the laptop and think about how I haven’t touched that stack in months. Every night I’m so sure that a 5am Bible time will help me feel better. And every morning the alarm rings, and I just think fu-uck that. 

I open up Netflix. I was supposed to be on a 4 mile run right now. But all my discipline seems to have flown south for the time being. I scroll down to Continue Watching for Emilea, and hit play on Under the Tuscan Sun. Diane Lane throws her head back laughing, while the Italian sunset shines through her hair. She’s restoring a villa while restoring her heart, pulling weeds ‘spherically and with childlike enthusiasm’. Even Diane Lane seems to be finding something. 

And then I begin weeping again. 

Seriously…

What am I doing with my life?

I bet you’re thinking that I’m doing that thing where I expose my deep wounds, use an Alexis Rose gif, and just continue to the sales pitch. But think again, my soon-to-be client.

At Sparrow Therapy we don’t fuck with slapping an “lol” on the end of your honesty and moving on. Because the pain matters. Even when it’s devastating. Like for example…

Maybe some of these sound familiar…

  • You can’t get access to something everyone else seems connected to.

  • You have all the feels, but never let all of them show

  • Despite the hustling anxiety to maintain your relationships, you do secretly feel lonely

  • A drive to follow the rules, be a good girl, do the right thing

  • Urgently making newer, shinier, more disciplined plans to fix it

You can’t admit how much pain you’re in.

Because honestly, you don’t even fully know how much pain you’re in.

You won’t yourself look that long.

Everything you’ve said are problems, for sure.

But I know the matted root of it

After being fed a white-washed, patriarchal Gospel (truly, a rubric disguised as ‘good news’), you are tired. And deeply sad. You’re pretty sure God loves you (I mean, except for those Tuesdays when you lose your shit internally and then it leaks out. Or the day before your period where it feels like every misogynistic thing you absorbed from the pulpit is grounded in fact rather than subjugation). 


Your thoughts run amok, as they always do. And if you really distill it down to the essential question, it comes down to pulling petals - Does God like you? Like you not?

And even scarier - do you even like Him? 

You feel exhausted. Weighed down by silenced grief. You looked at all the ways to fix this ache in your gut, and they all left you paralyzed with dissatisfaction.

I want to sit down next to you in a park somewhere.

We hear wind moving through the trees. A couple of sharp laughs from children in the playground behind us. A sparrow flits in the branches above us, inching closer and closer.

You take a sip of your latte, tears blurring your vision until you just see swaths of green and brown and blue. Throat so tight you couldn’t say anything even if you wanted to. You hear me inhale to speak and look away, bracing yourself.

I’m untangling the different metaphors in my mind - you’ll learn this is normal for me - weighing my words with a kind of care enthusiastic preachers and boys who tried to win your heart could never quite pull off -

I hear the pain. And the confusion. And how you don’t even like the experience you’re having. But I gotta tell ya. In my clinical expertise -

Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re not broken. Your soul has been deprived.

The sparrow has braved its way into the grass in front of us. I like to imagine that our gaze lands on this sparrow, slowly but surely edging its way closer to us, hoping for a crumb. 

I’d elbow you gently, with tenderness, and humor,

“It’s just us birds here on Earth. Fed by an unseen hand, needing to feel loved and valued, even though we’ve always been told we’re less important than anyone with a penis.”

My genitalia reference makes you burst into a “ha!”. You sigh. Nodding, you say “Fuck. Yeah. And honestly, Em, if I was to journal like my last therapist was always pleading with me to do, I think I would have written like how I feel.

Desperate for certainty with a malnourished soul

Desperate for certainty with a malnourished soul

Mmm I say, nodding furiously. You watch me, suspiciously soothed that I listen without forcing eye contact. I throw a bit of my croissant to the bird, brave enough to venture close to us. Weighing my words again, I finally share:

There’s a story I tell myself about you…

You need an evidence based, science backed path to create flexibility the human life demands. You also need a soulful path that invites your spirit to step gingerly into the the edge of the spotlight (I promise I won’t turn the flood lights on you).

We’ll go to the deepest place, where your beliefs defy your knowledge. And we’ll reset those broken pieces so you can heal. 

#1

You are so done with this anxiety wringing out your soul like an old wash cloth, so you book the 15 minute consultation call. It’s 15 minutes! It’s free! What could it hurt? You schedule the call on a day and time that works for you, and fill out the questionnaire. And now your stomach feels queasy. It’s time for me to call you. You kinda regret making that appointment now. Your phone rings and you see an 828 number. You answer. Hey, it’s Emilea, is this still a good time to chat? Also, how do you pronounce your name, I wanna make sure I get it right for you. Your abdomen starts to relax. Maybe this will be fine. 

#2

You booked an assessment. You went ahead and filled out all the paperwork after you got off of the consult. And now, today’s the day. You keep catching yourself rehearsing your answers to my potential questions. You log onto the virtual therapy room early. Fidget with your houseplant. I log on. Hey! It’s so good to see your face! So, today’s session is going to be a little different. I’m merging onto the highway of your life - so I’ll be asking a lot of questions today. If you ever need to take a break, slow down, or share a meme you love - this is your official permission slip to do it! You laugh, and the smile that started out masking your stress starts to soften into a genuine one. 87 minutes later, you pull your hands and arms up to stretch. And think “wow. I think this is gonna work.”

#3

 We’re three sessions in. I’ve talked about this concept overcontrol, and how the church exacerbated and rewarded that pain. You’re not really ready to get into that right now. And I’ve told you it’s no problem - this is your journey. You set the pace. But you are ready for my members-only podcast, Skills Class. You open the email from Storyboard, download the app, and hit play. Hello, my friends - it’s Emilea! And welcome to Skills Class… I’ve already warned you this is not a listen-while-you-work kinda podcast. You decide to catch up on laundry while listening, your journal ready for whatever revelations may occur.

#4

Mmmm. As you were saying you’re never performing well enough, I pulled the 8 of Swords. You’re intrigued by Tarot cards. Once upon a time, you would have thought they were the Devil’s play thing. But the artwork is so captivating. And the way I’m weaving in the metaphors and story inside of Tarot cards stays with you long after the session is over. I hold up the image of the 8 of Swords to the camera, and watch your eyebrows raise. “Oh my god, that’s exactly it.”

#5

“Why Is Everything Such a Shit Show” pops up in my inbox. An email from you. I open it up and read, “I can’t believe I”m even sending this to you… if this is too much or a bother, then obviously you don’t have to respond, but I guess… I listened to the forgiveness episode and I just started crying.” I open up Loom and begin recording a video back to you. I’m so grateful you gave me these big messy paragraphs. I know it looks strange to see me smiling after such a gut wrenching email. But I just want you to know that you’re unlocking a new kind of magic. It’s time to do the big work - holding space for your soul to heal. 

#6

Clear is kind. Clear is kind. Just like we practiced, clear is kind. My voice is ricocheting around your head as you try to activate your sense of safety (a tool from Lesson 3 in Skills Class). You’re about to tell your roommate you’ve had a bad day at work. You never volunteer this information. Especially about this kinda day - the really really bad kind because you messed up and other people know, causing a wish for the Earth to swallow you whole. But I’ve consistently told you sharing our mistakes, doubts, and foibles only strengthens relationships. And you’ve seen it work between us in therapy. “Hey Jenn. Today…sucked.

Therapy Is…

Life changing: In the best and worst of ways. It’s about forging new neurological pathways in your brain so those old habits that just sorta happen can be archived. You phase those out and start doing some newer, more helpful actions.

Exercise: it’s gonna make you sore. It’s gonna make you strong. I’m gonna push you to an uncomfortable (not painful, but uncomfortable) place and then let your muscles and body adapt.  Most of all, consistency is where real progress happens. Practice makes permanent. 

Vulnerable: You gotta be ready to cry. I mean, you don’t have to want to, and we certainly aren’t going to cry every session. But you gotta be okay with that being a thing.

A Commitment: You need to be willing to set aside the time. Like, the hour of therapy for sure. But I’m offering whole life transformation here. That doesn’t just happen by showing up and ticking the attendance box. 

Therapy Isn’t…

Spot Reducing: Total life transformation doesn’t mean getting to keep exactly what you’re interested in keeping, and only changing the things you are interested in changing. 

Comfy: This is not about numbing away the hard stuff of life so all you’re left with is fun. We’re going to embrace all of it. We’re going to have some testing sessions where we find your uncomfortable edge and then…stay there. Therapy is not easy. There will be moments of ease…but it will not be easy. 

Tools On Sale: This isn’t cheap. What I’m offering you is so personal and tailored. I’m invested in you and the entire journey. The way I offer support is expansive. We’re going to show up to do the work together, with consistency.

Fast Acting: This is not a six steps to an emotionally healthy life with spiritual depth. This is an awe inducing, sweat inducing, confidence inducing climb. Unlearning decades of beliefs and rules is gonna take some time babe.

Before Radically Open Soulwork

  • Your pang of anxiety is a sign from the Holy Spirit. But that deep desire for love and meaning between all living things is … just too much.

  • You need to be in control. And even when you feel out of control, you need to at least keep an appearance of control. Never let anyone see you sweat. 

  • You spend so much time suppressing your real emotion, you seem to only feel anxious, angry, or numb. 

  • You’re good at being what others need to you to be. Leaving you with doubts they actually like you for you. 

After Radically Open Soulwork

  • You’ve discovered and developed your own inner wisdom, creativity, meaning, and a love of your unique spiritual self.

  • Control is great, no doubt about it. But you’ve learned the sweetness of life is found in the messiness of it. 

  • You welcome emotion as a chance to learn and grow. It continues to help you become who you want to be. 

  • You have at least two extremely strong, authentic relationships where you know for sure you can call them after a crappy day and let it all hang out. 

I’m Emilea!

a therapist, a seriously playful heart, and a sharply intuitive spirit.

I love a metaphor and a good rom com. And I’m fluent in Evangelical faux authenticity (the life group I’m plugged into just wants to do life together, you know?) and now love playing with the tarot. 

After spending my entire life as a devout evangelical Christian, I realized it took advantage of my self doubt. My need to people please. My ability to push through even when I was hurting. It took me three therapists, countless workbooks, and all of the Brene talks on the internet to come out the other side. I don’t want you to spend eight years figuring it out. 

Maybe you’ve seen Worksheet Therapist. You were thrilled to have homework, and some tools were helpful. But you got tired of repeating yourself. And the worksheets. 

Maybe you’ve seen Hooey Dooey Therapist. You’re able to be truly emotional in front of someone. But after a few weeks, the phrase ‘feel your feelings’ gives you the hives. It feels less like healing and more like an expensive pity party. 

With everything you’re juggling, Radically Open Soulwork is exactly what you need. Soulwork might sound sketch, so let me break it down real quick. I know, that you know, that you shouldn’t care what other people think. And I know, that you know, that your needs are important. You know it. You just don’t believe it. We’re going to the core of your soul where the belief is strong and defies logic. And you’ll heal. 

Who’s Ready for Radically Open Soulwork

  • People who have a past of self harm but are currently stable and safe.

  • Someone who’s open to storytelling through tarot and artwork.

  • Someone ready to reveal their actual self, even if it’s too messy, too emotional, doesn't make sense, and is a little judgy. I promise I won’t tell anybody (seriously though - confidentiality).

  • Ready to commit to appointments and the work in between sessions.

Who’s Not Ready for Radically Open Soulwork

  • People who have a past of self harm but are currently stable and safe.

  • Someone who’s open to storytelling through tarot and artwork.

  • Someone ready to reveal their actual self, even if it’s too messy, too emotional, doesn't make sense, and is a little judgy. I promise I won’t tell anybody (seriously though - confidentiality).

  • Someone who wants to meet monthly for a mental health flossing and cleaning.

FAQs

    • First Session: $165, 90 minute intake

    • Follow Up Sessions: $145, 50 minute session

    • Skills Class Only - $45

  • Telehealth gives us the juiciness of therapy without the commute. We meet whenever you have a free hour in a private, comfy space. Bring your own tissues.

  • Yup! I’m in network with Blue Cross Blue Shield. If you don’t have BCBS but still want to use your insurance, then check out the Mentaya calculator and see if your insurance can reimburse you out of network. I’ve seen reimbursement rates go as high as 70%!

  • You schedule online on my calendar! No back and forth emails about days and times. You get to easily book and reschedule your own appointments.

  1. Schedule your consultation call now.

  2. Fill out the questionnaire to make the most of our time.

  3. I’ll call you on the day and time you’ve chosen, and we’ll be off!