Therapist Reviews Great & Terrible Romantic Comedies
It finally happened…
I got Covid.
Not only did I get Covid, but so did my parents. And my son. And now finally my husband.
Overall I’m grateful. I’m vaccinated and boosted, so my symptoms were like a really bad cold. And the only thing that helps really bad colds for me (besides a humidifier and flonaze) - rom coms.
Endless rom coms.
So in my hazy, fuzzy, congested state I watched no less than 18 - yes, that’s right, eighteen - romantic comedies. My favorites. And then ones I remembered liking.
And I want to rate them and give them a thought.
So maybe the next time you’re sick or sad and watching your list of favorite romantic movies you’ll have some grade A therapist thoughts to keep in mind.
Each movie will get a rating, 5 stars being all time favorite. Then I’ll give you my honest opinion. And then an official therapist thought. Also, I couldn’t find any copyright safe images for these movies…so instead I put an easter egg image at the top of each movie. If you know the movie, hopefully you’ll enjoy the reference!
The 7 movies I’m reviewing today: The Lake House (2006), He’s Just Not That Into You (2009), Bridget Jones Diary (2001), When Harry Met Sally (1989), Crazy Stupid Love (2011), Maid in Manhattan (2002), & Moonstruck (1987)
The Lake House // 3 Stars//
Unfiltered Therapist Opinion:
Is this movie dopey? Yes. Is it set in beautiful Chicago and featuring two beautiful actors? Also yes. Plus Christopher Plummer.
I mentioned this movie to my dad the other day, and he goes “oh, is this the one you would watch over and over again? It made no sense.” I lo-o-oved this movie when I was in high school. A magical mailbox? Time traveling letters? A chaste wild romance? Sign my fifteen year old self up.
Watching this as an adult…it does not hold up.
There are great songs show cased in the sound track. And beautiful shots of Chicago. But the plot is thin and holey. At least it got me into Persuasion and Carole King.
Therapist Thought for The Lake House:
There’s a great nugget for long distance relationships. Keanu and Sandra are dating long…time distance. But the way they ‘spend the day together’ is genius. A virtual walk through Chicago that Keanu organizes so they are seeing the same things, experiencing the same architecture, and having a shared experience. It’s out of the box.
Now, most of us aren’t dating someone in the same city but two years in the future. But we also have considerably more technology at our hands than we did in 2006.
Directing your SO to a cool location, making sure they get a delivery at that location. Taking a virtual tour of art museums through Google museum. A scavenger hunt around town with virtual clues.
Not every date has to be this thought out, but neither does every date need to be a facetime in your apartment.
Bridget Jones Diary //4 Stars//
Unfiltered Therapist Opinion
Another high school favorite. Mostly because of the montage, I’m-getting-my-life-together scene. Which of course includes weight loss and new books. Problematic. Hence the loss of one star.
But I also like thinking about a world where you can decide you want to work in a completely different industry, you have a candid job interview, and BAM. You’re a news reporter.
Official Therapist Thought for Bridget Jones Diary:
Sometimes great love doesn’t feel that spark-filled. Hugh Grant is charismatic, sexy, and smart. We can easily mistake fun, flirty exchanges for anxiety. Does he like me? Will he call? Will others notice that he’s into me?
That’s anxiety.
And it can be easy to think of it as excitement. And say, oh, he gives me such a rush. Not every man who gives you this anxiety will have ‘a naked American stick insect’ hiding in his bathroom. But neither is he the person for you.
Colin Firth on the other hand is sedated, dry, and grounded. Certainly less fun on first glance. Actually, the like first four times Bridget Jones interacts with Mark Darcy, she is …underwhelmed.
Ultimately though, he doesn’t leave her in suspense. He tells her straight out, “I like you, just as you are.” (One of the most swoon-worthy sentences ever said). He leaves Bridget with a feeling of interest and intrigue, but not anxiety. She knows he’s interested, and is then truly excited to see where that can go.
Instead of ‘oh my god, does he like me, will we get married????’ You don’t need anxiety. You want real excitement. And excitement blooms in feelings of safety and security. As does, by the way, female sexuality. Just a tip for anyone who’s interested.
He’s Just Not That Into You //2 Stars//
Unfiltered Therapist Opinion
I have many issues with this movie. First, there’s a weird rip off of the When Harry Met Sally formula. You will never beat the old couples married for decades telling their stories. Never. So please stop. Are the cut scenes in this movie entertaining? Sure. Vaguely insulting? Yeah.
Therapist Thought for He’s Just Not That Into You
Here’s my big problem with this movie - the central thesis of this movie is if a guy likes you, he will ‘make it happen’. If he’s into you, you will not wonder. You will know. We will side step the odd insinuation that consent doesn’t matter? And just move on to the many very good points Justin Long makes.
Women confuse anxiety with a ‘spark’. Women enjoy games and chase because it gives them an illusion of control. Instead of wasting time with guys who aren’t that into you… live your life. Guys who are actually into you will let it be known they are into you. You will not need to haunt their favorite bars. Or wait by a phone. Just do you.
This advice is painted with a very broad brush. And in its own vague way, I think it’s great advice.
Too bad the plot of the movie disproves this. Over and over. It’s infuriating. Because it puts the viewers into a double bind. The movie says “don’t wait by a phone, a guy will make it happen” and then it shows “a guy opposed to marriage will end up proposing” or “a guy who rejects you totally will come back to your door step to breathlessly kiss you.”
Ugh.
Take the main advice, enjoy listening to Justin Long, and move on.
Crazy Stupid Love // 5 Stars //
Unfiltered Therapist Opinion
Man oh man is this a great movie. I love all of the actors. All of the writing. All of the music. It’s just fa-antastic. And now that I think about it, the first time Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are in a movie. I wonder if it was fun for them to work together again in La La Land. Anyways.
This movie is about infidelity, sex, attraction, and confidence. After Julianne Moore cheats on Steve Carrell, and decides to end her marriage. Not because she wants to be with Kevin Bacon (truly shocking). But because she wants something different.
You get the sense that the routine of her marriage feels suffocating.
You also get the sense from the arc of the movie that Steve Carrell has been on autopilot. Wearing New Balance sneakers with unflattering khakis. He doesn’t care about the details or himself too much.
He’s a good husband. Not neglectful. Attentive, dependable, stable, caring. He just hasn’t examined himself in a long time. Home, Inc. has taken over and swallowed them up. Julianne’s way of trying to free herself is to sleep with someone else and ask for a divorce.
Forced into something different, Steve Carrell invests in himself. (In case anyone’s wondering, this is the right move. Looking for solutions outside of your marriage is a recipe for disaster).
It also gets at the struggle of long term monogamous commitment. Esther Perel talks about how we want our long term partners to be everything to us. Lovers, confidants, co parents, a shoulder to cry on, the shelter in the storm.
And the very thing that creates long term stability also create sexual stagnancy.
Therapist Thought for Crazy Stupid Love
Think of ways to really invest in yourself. Sometimes routine drains the zest out of your relationship. You don’t need a new relationship. You need to light your own spark before working on the relational spark. Lighting your own spark requires investment.
Carrell invests to the excess in this movie. You don’t need to buy a wardrobe, even if it is ‘only like sixteen new items’. You don’t need to do overhead push ups. You don’t need to go to bars and have a series of one night stands. You certainly can! and if that is aligned with you and your values - awesome. Go for it.
If it’s not, think of things that light your own spark. That make you feel so good in your own skin. Maybe there’s a specific perfume, hair style, nail color, outfit. Maybe there’s a favorite place. A fun activity. Invest in yourself and your own time - it will pay off in your relationship in spades.
Maid in Manhattan // 2 Stars//
Unfiltered Therapist Opinion
Ack. I mean, J Lo is queen. The dog is cute. (I know the dog pictured above isn’t the same breed..but they are also very cute). There’s a lot of messages about class and self worth in this movie.
On a random side note: I was watching a lot of the original Disney Cinderella during my Covid convent because my son really likes the mice. And the parallels are obvious but some of them feel a little icky. Like, are all the other maids and butlers like the mice and birds in Cinderella? Are they all somehow her fairy godmother?
That is not the point.
Therapist Thought for Maid in Manhattan
Don’t be Natasha Richardson’s character. She’s obviously the villain in this movie, and some of her attempts to get Ralph Fiennes attention are ludicrous.
But I mean… haven’t we all done ludicrous things when we’re slightly heartbroken and have a big crush on someone new?
The main problem with Richardson’s actions isn’t her desire for Ralph Fiennes. Although a part of me can’t get over that he’s Voldemort. But back to the point. Her problem is that her identity revolves around whether men want her.
She views other women as competition for her appropriate identity - a wonderful man’s woman. She believes that the only thing standing in her way is opportunity and other women.
When in reality I think she would be bored by Fiennes, and I think Fiennes would find her really annoying over time.
Over all, find your own source of confidence and joy. Find a sense of self and passion outside of a partner. That will attract a partner to you. Not the desire to have a partner. Just having a desire and zest for life and joy.
When Harry Met Sally // 5 Stars //
Unfiltered Therapist Opinion
I love this movie. I love this movie so so so much. And I wish I had something snarky to say about it. But I just don’t. I quote this movie at least once a week. So I’m just going to move onto my therapist thoughts, so as to not bore you with the novel that is my love for this movie.
Therapist Thought for When Harry Met Sally
I mean, the creme de la creme of movies, no? My favorite parts of this movie are Harry apologizing.
Often in romantic comedies, couples don’t fight until the big make-or-break moment at the end of the movie. But that’s not real life. Couples bicker, argue, and fight all the time. About all kinds of things. Laundry. Lying. You name it. Arguments are healthy, they’re important. But only if they’re followed with repair. Cue my favorite part of When Harry Met Sally.
They argue. A lot. Sometimes it’s in a cute fun way. Sometimes it’s in an earnest, angry way. It’s what I love about their relationship. There’s zest. A spark. Fancy verbal foot work. But when it crosses a line and hurts real feelings - they apologize. Well, mostly Harry.
My favorite exchange in the movie:
Harry: “Are you done?”Sally: “Yes.”
Harry: “Okay. I’m sorry.”
Sally: “Thank you”
And they embrace.
*chef’s kiss*
I feel convicted by this scene every time. Because there are many times in my squabbles with my husband where I realize, mid-squabble, I’m in the wrong. But at that point, I want to dig my heels in. Even though it will only lead to misery. When I keep my cool long enough to channel Harry things always go better. “You’re right” is such a freeing phrase.
Moonstruck //4 Stars//
Unfiltered Therapist Opinion
What a quirky movie. It is distinctive and capturing. It feels strange to tell you that a movie staring Cher and Nicolas Cage is incredible. But truly - this movie stars Cher and Nicolas Cage, and it’s incredible. You can forgive the insanity of it because of how grounded the scenes are. I love the random lines, long stories, and incredible Italian accents. No wonder it won an Oscar.
Best exchange of the movie: “Do you love him Loretta?” “No.” “Good. Because when you love them, they drive you crazy just because they know how.”
Therapist Thought for Moonstruck
Olympia Dukakis knows that her husband is having an affair. And she’s right. She also knows that the affair has nothing to do with her marriage. Her suspicion is that he’s having an affair because he’s afraid of death. And she’s right.
Most of the time, infidelity has very little to do with the monogamous committed relationship. It has to do with the other person’s needs and fears. Dukakis doesn’t go into an understandable spiral. She doesn’t question whether she’s been a good partner. Whether she’s attractive enough. Or kind or smart enough. She knows that she’s a good woman and a great wife.
If you’ve been cheated on, I hope that you can take Olympia’s confidence that it probably had nothing to do with you. Or the relationship. It had to do with the other person’s needs and fears. (this is the same for Crazy Stupid Love, FYI. Julieanne Moore talks about having a midlife crisis. Instead of opening up that vulnerability and question to her husband, she goes outside the marriage. It has very little to do with their marriage.)
Do you binge rom coms?
If you watch rom coms to distract yourself from heart break, I hope you enjoyed this. I also hope you sign up for a 15 minute chat with me. There’s a great, real life out there. We can apply some of the evidence based knowledge from these movies to your real life. And you can start enjoying the romantic story of your life. Let’s figure out the story you’re telling yourself. And change it to the one you want to live.
